About Anger, Depression, Self-Care and Dogs

achtsamkeit.dog operates at the interface between mental health and life with dogs. This is mainly because I am both a dog trainer and I live with chronic depression. Sometimes it is worse, sometimes less bad; at the moment it is almost unbearable. Nevertheless, I'm still here. I study, I write and I take care of Charlie. Nevertheless, it is my relationship with Charlie that is particularly affected by depression. If you feel the same way, I would like to tell you a little about what helps me.

Anger turned inward

I think I was born angry. In any case, I was labeled “hot-tempered” fairly quickly and I was really good at slamming doors very early on. But this anger was not allowed to be. It wasn't right. I wasn't right. I was too much and the way I was too. Anger is self-assertive energy. If it does not find expression externally, it turns inward and creates pressure. I experience this pressure as a heavy, black, sticky blanket, almost like tar, that dampens and paralyzes all my experiences.

Don't believe everything you think

For a long time I thought this condition was normal. I couldn't imagine how I could think or feel differently. I had no access to anger or other feelings. I could only feel something under extreme physical or mental stress - in sports training, excessive studying and juggling several jobs, usually all at the same time. It felt like constantly running against the wind in a lead-weighted jacket.

That only started to change when I ended up in a psychiatric ward after my first breakdown. I stumbled across a fridge magnet (yes, really) that said “Don’t believe everything you think.” That was the first clue that what was going on in my head might not be real.

Depression clouds perception. It forms a filter through which we selectively perceive the world. Long-term, depressive thinking shifts the “default settings” in the brain towards darkness and pessimism. This results in a vicious circle of negative expectations, negative experiences and negative confirmations.

That magnet is still a reminder for me.

Depression has no substance

What helped me was realizing that thoughts have no substance and that the influence of depression on my thinking only exists in my imagination. Admittedly, depression is also accompanied by changes in neuro-vegetative regulation. But again it is my mental assessment of these changes that is crucial.

Thoughts are just thoughts. They only have power over me if I give it to them. If I let them go, they can no longer influence me. This is exhausting and depressive thoughts in particular can be extremely persistent. But ultimately it's about choosing to take back control of my thinking processes.

Resistance is futile

There are phenomena that become stronger the more we resist them. Depression is one such phenomenon. Because it permeates the body and mind, it cannot be defeated by either physical methods or mental strategies. Both medications and therapies, with their influences on the body and mind, can help relieve depression. But they cannot heal it.

When resistance is futile, the only option is acceptance. Yes, depression is here in my life. And yes, it colours my thinking, my experiences and my behaviour. But acceptance doesn't mean giving up. Because depression isn't everything. I'm not the depression, it isjust using me as a playing field. Making myself aware of this doesn't make the depression go away. But at least I can stop fighting what I cannot change and instead use my strength to take better care of myself.

Wisdom starts with letting go.

Self-Care

The distorted thinking caused by depression can lead to the neglect of elementary needs: nutrition, sufficient exercise and health care suffer, so that depression can become the starting point for further illnesses.

I often find it very difficult to take good care of myself when I am in a state of crippling depression. Not only that everything is tough and tiring and indifference spreads within me. I also think that I am not worthy of care. But this is precisely when self-care is of particularly importance.

What helps is establishing habits. For example, I bathe every Sunday evening. And I do that, even when I feel like shit. I also got into the habit of eating warm food regularly. Yes, I had to re-learn this. So I always cook for two or three days. This is how I make sure that even on days when cooking is unimaginable, I eat something warm. And the two daily walks with Charlie also fall into this category.

Depression and life with a dog

Another argument for strong self-care routines is your dog's well-being. Your dog will only be well if you can take care of her/him. That’s what you need strength for. Get it from what you know is good for you, even if you cannot enjoy it. “Anhedonia”, the inability to feel joy, is typical for depression. Accept that and do the things anyway.

Depressive thinking creates its own truths, which can be activated by experiences in the outside world, particularly quickly and intensively through social experiences. Since we live very closely with our dogs, it stands to reason that they can also trigger our negative beliefs. Charlie, for instance, regularly activates in me the belief that my needs are always less important than those of others. When I don't understand his signals, I sometimes become convinced that I'm just too stupid to live with a dog. And his great affection for almost every new person he meets sometimes triggers in me the old feeling that no one wants me anyway.

Dogs can be a great help for depressed people. They bring comfort, joy and the impulse to move and get out of the house. But dogs are not therapists and certainly not medicine. They are living beings with their own feelings and needs, for which we are responsible even when we are not feeling well. Domestication has turned dogs into creatures that not only tolerate humans, but actually need them. That's why they take on a lot for us, both physically and emotionally. I try to shield Charlie as much as possible from my dark moods and cognitive distortions. I don't always succeed, but I do my best, which is all I can do.  

Summary

1. Be aware that depression is anger directed at yourself.

2. Depression thinks for you. You can let go of thoughts.

3. Acceptance. Stop fighting depression.

4. You are not your depression. It's only using you as a playing field.

5. Adopt automated self-care routines.

5. Become aware of what beliefs your dog triggers in you.

6. Don't let your dog carry the burden of your depression.



[1] If you would like to know more about how acceptance can help you live better with your depression, then I recommend that you look into ACT. ACT stands for “Acceptance and Commitment”. The book “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Dummies” by Freddy Jackson Brown and Duncan Gillard, which is also available as an audio book, offers a good introduction