Is Compassion finite ?

To answer the question right away: No, compassion is not finite. But our ability to act compassionately can be diminished if we do not manage our emotional resources well. 

What is Compassion Fatigue and whom does it affect ?

Compassion Fatigue is a kind of emotional exhaustion. The condition has been described particularly referring to veterinarians, but also occurs in other helping professions. It can manifest itself, among other things, through depression and other psychosomatic changes, through sleep disorders or addictive behavior, but also through increased detachment at work and in other relationships, including the relationships with our dogs.

Compassion Fatigue is a kind of emotional exhaustion.

Compassion Fatigue and Dog Guardians

Do you know that ? You had a busy day with countless tasks and stressors. And then your dog comes along and also shows a particularly pronounced need: be it that s/he is more clingy than usual, more anxious or more reactive. At this point I would like to leave aside the question of where your dog's behavior comes from and whether it has anything to do with your emotional state. The important thing is that you suddenly notice that you are running on empty. You cannot adjust to another situation in your environment. It just doesn't work anymore. The strength for it is no longer there. And instead of responding to your dog's needs with compassion and understanding, you react stressed and harsh.

We all have days like that. Sometimes we have just had enough and then no one can do anything right, not even the dog. But there are also human-dog teams for whom this type of borderline stress is part of everyday life. In particular, people whose dogs have a very low stimulus threshold and quickly become overwhelmed, frightened or react aggressively, regularly exceed the limits of their ability to remain compassionately present. The result is often a guilty conscience and excessive self-blame.

Anger, Helplessness and Exhaustion

I know this only too well. I've felt this way about Charlie ever since we've been together. And that's more than twelve years now. I get angry with myself when I go off the rails in situations where he reacts very sensitively to a trigger, because that trigger was just one too many for me. I know how helpless it feels when a situation is approaching that I cannot avoid, but I also no longer have the strength to guide my dog through calmly and confidently. And I also know the need to internally distance myself from my dog's needs because I simply don't have the strength for it anymore. Then self-recrimination and a guilty conscience throw a huge party inside my head. And the seemingly only way to endure this is to shut down even further.

Acceptance means saying Yes to what it.

What helps is Acceptance

Unfortunately, a guilty conscience and self-recrimination doesn't help either the dog or myself. On the contrary, they only increase the pressure inside of myself. Feelings are also subject to physical laws. If we push them away, they will only get stronger. Pressure always creates counter pressure. That's why feelings need space. They must be allowed to be there. And it is acceptance that creates the space. Yes, the situation was bad. The dog was overwhelmed and that overwhelmed me. It happened. I can't undo it. Period. Breathe. Feel your feet. It may sound simplistic, but it's not. Acceptance has powerful physical effects: muscle tension decrease, breathing and heart rate regulate themselves. And the brain resumes its normal function. Go ahead. Try it. It works.

What helps is Self-Compassion

While acceptance is a cognitive process, self-compassion works more on an emotional level. Acting self-compassionately means treating yourself like you would your best friend. It means letting go of judgment and acknowledging that you did the best you could in a difficult situation. Difficult circumstances rarely make for perfect behavior. We do what we can, as best we can. And for that we deserve recognition, first and foremost from ourselves. So the next time you get through a difficult situation with your dog, stop, put a hand on your heart and say to yourself: “You did well!” , no matter how loudly your head may claim the opposite. Say it out loud, again and again. Because you did it well, as well as you could. 

Self-Compassion opens the door for compassion with your dog.

Self-Compassion opens doors

The space and warmth that arise within you through acceptance and self-compassion also open up the space for the perception of your dog's needs. In contrast, its opposite, tightness and resistance, are red flags. When I notice that I'm in the process of internally distancing myself from Charlie, I ask myself where I'm currently distancing myself from my own needs. I ask myself which door I need to open within myself to create space again and which “must” or “should” I had better let go of. It was a long road to this realization. And I still often stumble when implementing it. But as challenging as my journey with Charlie is, I can now be more compassionately present with him and with myself when things get difficult in everyday life. 

Pictures:

Juan D. on Pixabay

Peter H on Pixabay

Engin Akyurt on Pixabay